Monday, June 24, 2013

smooth criminals

Smoothie criminals, actually. The last week has seen Jordan and I obsessed with cold, liquid breakfasts.

(I received like 12 "gender neutral" bibs before Jordan was born because we didn't find out what we were expecting on our first time around. I'm not sure how "I love dirt" can possibly be construed as potentially feminine, but for the record: Jordan does love dirt...and sticks and rocks. They are her bread and butter. Also, she's taken to layering her bibs for a casual take on pattern play. Get the look: Neons + Bold Message; Yellow + Green Stripes are Androgynous Too; Creamy Yellow with Blue Piping + "It's Fun Being Me" lettering and you've got yourself chic, custom, on-trend toddler style.)

Alright now that that's out there. What's been happening lately is Jordan hasn't been quite as hungry. She used to piledrive like a lumberjack, but I'm fairly sure she's pushing a few molars through in the back - if I'm correctly translating her cues of: biting everything (blankie, doll's head, the occasional handtowel, and she made an attempt on my thigh before I shut that down), being niiiice and cranky, running a fever and faucet nose, shoving her food to the back of her mouth to take bites with her back teeth instead of chomping with her front gapped ones as usual, and one of her more subtle indicators, pointing directly to her gums in the back and shrieking OWWW!

Gumshoe that I am, I didn't figure out why Jordan had been acting like such a...let's use "terrible two" as the euphemism of choice here, until a couple of days ago. Therefore the fact that we've been having smoothies for breakfast every morning for a week has been a coincidence pleasing to Jordan's poor swelling aching gums. And since smooth, cold drinks seem to be her eating method of choice at the moment, I've adapted a recipe to try and pack as much good stuff in there as possible. Her other meals have been scant and mainly consist of her biting the food for the sole purpose of putting pressure on her gums, then delicately spitting it back out and handing to me with a "duh, mama." (done)

Ok I'm positive you have not ever needed nor ever received this much background just to get to a recipe, but you know how I roll by now. I found and have been making my own little adaptations to this recipe, which was a result of my Google search for "blackberry smoothie." My parents have a spectacularly prolific blackberry vine, and because it produced about 25 times as many blackberries as they could possibly consume per day, they started freezing them, and I started pilfering them. This smoothie IS AWESOME, and I'm really quite proud of my tweaks. I managed to make it healthier and I think quite tastier, and mostly I just used stuff I already had on hand. Have a gander:

My lazy, 7:30 in the morning, what-kinda-blogger-are-you self didn't feel like lining up the ingredients and photographing them attractively, so I set up a half-clad and groggy child next to the blenderful of necessities, gave her the honey-scooping spoon, and called it good. Forgive me.

Highly Adaptable, Exceedingly Nutritious, Exceptionally Palatable Blackberry Smoothie (patent pending)

  • 1/2 cup coconut milk (my extremely well-informed, crunchy, healthy mother-in-law tells me this is the best kind on the market. It's a whopping $3.50 at Whole Foods for one flippin' can, but it provided three smoothies' worth, and it was deliciously creamy. You know, just FYI.)
  • 1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt
  • 1/2 avocado
  • 1 large ripe (and I prefer frozen) banana
  • 1 cup blackberries, fresh or frozen, but frozen if you're Jessie and Jordan and prefer your smoothies to cause teeth chatters
  • 1/2 cup frozen blueberries (totally optional, but I threw them in the last couple go-arounds simply because I had them and, yep. Yep to blueberries.)
  • 1-2 tablespoons honey, depending on your sweetness preference
You know smoothies and their complicated method: carefully arrange your ingredients in a blender, secure a lid atop said blender, eenie-meenie-minie-mo which button will be most effective. Frappe? Whip? Grind? It's a dilemma, just shut your eyes and push a button.

Then side-eye the blender and begrudgingly allow the loud obnoxious whirring only because you know there's a treat coming soon. Finally, split the contents evenly betwixt two tall cups, and don't give a second thought to the fact that this amount could easily feed four. Chug away.

And then as a bonus, make a mental note to buy chia seeds and try Grace's recipe because she promised they completely restrain your need for chocolate in the afternoon(/morning/evening/twilight hours). I'm paraphrasing. She said something like "help stave off afternoon sugar cravings" but I only heard that I wouldn't compulsively shove chocolate bricks down my throat at any given moment of the day. Plus...I may be developing an affinity/addiction to caffeine? I find myself really grumpy by 11 a.m. if I haven't downed a chai or some other sugared-up carameled-out faux coffee that Starbucks rolls out. Best for all parties if I find a healthy option, yes? Thanks Grace.

Go get that Monday guys. Because now you have breakfast options to be proud of.

OH, post-script. Please please check out what's going on with Dwija & baby and check out Cari's awesome plan to help. Prayers are great too!


  1. Better than Jamba I bet. Can't wait to try!

  2. Madame Fashionista Pants is looking quite chic in her bib ensemble, I tell ya what.

  3. I'll bet those feel fabulous on those gums. How nice to have the berries readily available too!

  4. As soon as I read this yesterday I had an intense smoothie craving and had to go make once. Hence my late comment. :)

    My personal favorite coconut milk (not to diss your crunchy relative or anything) is this one. About the same price as that can, lasts longer, and is great for cereal or whatever else kids eat these days.

  5. woman. i am totally gonna try this smoothie, minus the banana. also, love the pic of jordan giving the blender a dirty look. haha. sometimes i do too. you know, the blender sometimes is not blending fast enough.