Thursday, July 18, 2013


Today I'm here to debunk and to validate some long-standing, traditional myths. Some of these may seem more obvious than others, but people are gullible. I'm just here to help clear things up.


It's a nice story, but I'm pretty sure the Loch Ness monster is the product of some Scottish guys stumbling out of a pub, glancing over to the Loch, and witnessing a peacock taking an evening dip. Maybe it was chomping savagely on a catfish. They agreed it had to be a prehistoric monster, rumor got around, and all the sudden anonymous tips and sightings were being wired in to the local paper. Classic snowball syndrome. The facts and evidence are shaky, but the fan base is hardcore and pretty much awesome. Plus, they've got Napoleon in their camp


Honestly I think my dad and uncle may have started this legend when they went on their surfing trip around the world in the '70s. They grew out their beards and luscious 'fros, didn't apply sunscreen, looked positively wild, and were tramping through jungles and forests looking for undiscovered surf spots. They looked eerily similar to the above. Some poor Chilean probably spotted them and freaked out and BAM. Sasquatch is born.


If Jordan can understand complex sentences like "As soon as you finish your carrots, you can have a popsicle." or "If you bring me your shoes, we can go see Aunt Anna." without any gesticulations or helpful indicators, she can certainly comprehend "Jordan, pick up your books." The whole cocking the head to the side in feigned confusion is not working.


This is NO MYTH. I have hardcore pregnancy brain. A cop-out, you say? Then let me offer evidence:

a) I've been married nearly three years. The other day while filling out a form I signed my maiden name. I haven't done that since my second week of marriage.

b) I've been making smoothies for Jordan and I almost every morning. I wash and assemble the blender each evening for easy smoothie composition the next day. The other day I started the blender and lovely hues of blackberry-Greek yogurt-purples started spilling out the bottom. Because I didn't twist the parts together.

c) Sean reminded me to call my dad on his birthday. (I promise I would've remembered eventually, Dad.)

d) I couldn't remember if I'd paid Jordan's babysitter, started freaking out, and almost double paid them. Good thing they're honest.

e) I forgot my last doctor's appointment and had to reschedule. But seriously, what doctor's office doesn't call the day before to confirm the appointment? ESPECIALLY a pre-natal appointment? They have to know these women are losing it.

f) I walked up to the front of my office after having just hung up with my mom moments before. The receptionist, who is friendly with all of the staff's spouses and families since she often takes their calls, says "Jess, your mom was cracking me up when I was talking to her just now." and I said "Oh, you talked to my mom?" Uh yeah Jess, she transfers the calls. The receptionist's eyes bugged out of her head. We're talking this was two minutes after I got off the phone and I already forgot I talked to my mom.

g) My good friend had a baby yesterday morning. When I went to drop off something at my parents', I told my brother about it. I met my brother for lunch two hours later and asked, "Oh did you hear Katie had her baby?"

h) I'm operating on muscle memory at work. I go to deliver files to wherever, and find myself in the kitchen without having dropped anything off. Gives you a good idea as to how often I visit the kitchen.

SO. I think I've made my case. I mean, I really hope this is pregnancy brain. I'm done here in about a month, and would really like my sense of I-kinda-know-what-the-flip-I'm-doing back. Conversations are fuzzy and actions are forgotten within minutes and it's more than a little disconcerting. I rely on my work calendar for absolutely everything, because even if I were to put things in my phone, I'd just clear the alarm and forget about it 17 seconds later. At least with my work calendar I have to physically stare at a reminder all day.

Tell me this too shall pass? Please?


  1. Well your brain may be taking a minibreak, but at least you still are looking smoking hot. I mean that pic last post was adorbs.

  2. haha i love this!! I vote you just lay in bed eating bon bons for the remainder of this pregnancy.

  3. Yes. Thank you. Pregnancy brain is real.