a biscuit, a basket

Good morning, happy Monday. Reporting to you live from my papasan chair, where our living room is still bare of the couch we ordered on eBay almost 2 weeks ago and was due last Tuesday. Hmmm... should I be scared? Sean's been watching TV from a bed of pillows on the floor while I kick up my pregnant feet on the ottoman, and he's scared. He insists it's just not coming, and we were robbed. I can't seem to get the tracking number I was given to actually track so...1 star for you eBay seller. Unless our couch never shows, in which case, I'm reporting you eBay seller.

What I really checked in to say was...biscuits. Not in a faux cussing homeschooly type of way, like in a "hey, I've made this biscuit recipe 4 times in the last 3 weeks" type of way. And now I want to share it with you because they're flipping delicious.

Jordan started rejecting our smoothie ritual recently, which makes me very sad. I love smoothies, and I think what I do is I get on a kick and do repeat breakfasts until Jordan recoils in disgust at the very whir of the blender or scramble of an egg yolk. (Scrambled eggs had to be retired too, a little while ago. We've recovered from it though and it's back in limited rotation and with a heaping serving of ketchup. Ew.)

And have I learned that Jordan's increasingly spoiled palette needs variation and excitement? Yes, I've learned in theory. In practice, I still attach myself to recipes for weeks at a time until Jordan puts her stubby foot down and I spend an hour coaxing her to finish a banana berry smoothie that has turned gray. So on to the next, and the next is biscuits.

Because, BISCUITS. Oh my gosh, they're so easy. The ingredients come together in 5 minutes, and they bake in ten. They are so so good, and highly adaptable.

I'm going to impart this AllRecipes recipe almost to the letter, but I've been playing around with variations that I'll tell you a little about too. It says it takes 1/2 hour to make these but ppssh, if you're oven's preheated this baby takes half that. So do that first: preheat your oven to 450.

The needs:

2 cups all purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

2 teaspoons white sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup melted butter

1 cup milk

*the recipe calls for 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar - which I hear is essential for a true Southern biiiskit - but I didn't have any and a ton of the reviews said they preferred it without, so I have never!! used it. gasp.

The deeds:

You should have preheated your oven by now. 450, like I told you. And now things get super difficult: combine the dry ingredients. Whisk the melted butter and milk separately, then add them to the dry ingredients and stir with a fork until combined. No need to overwork it.

Take a break, you're going to need it after all of that. Then take that tablespoon you used for the baking powder, and scoop generous heaps of dough on to a greased baking sheet. You will have 12 biscuits pretty much perfectly.

pre-baked goods

The recipe says "8-12 minutes" and 10 minutes has worked fabulously for me every time. They're just golden brown on the bottoms, while moist and slightly cakey inside.

baked and risen to delectability

I slap on butter while they're still warm (the best!!) and take mine with strawberry preserves. I give Jordan the choice between that and Trader Joe's fig butter and it's never not been fig butter for her.

The only variances I've performed upon these perfect biscuits is to swap out one teaspoon of white sugar for one teaspoon of brown sugar, so it's half and half. I then somewhat generously sprinkled cinnamon into the mix without measuring it, resulting in a more muffiny flavor that boded well with jams. Methinks the original recipe is still better. But I'd like to health these up a bit (considering our frequent visitation to the Land of Biscuit) and have been considering swapping in almond flour for all purpose. Anyone have a good conversion rate on those two?

I can't wait for things to turn slightly autumnal in a month, when I shall gleefully sprinkle a considerable handful of cheddar and perhaps a dab of onion powder in and serve with a spicy crockpot chili. Tell me that doesn't send some autumn tingles up your spine. No? How about if I whisper "...pumpkin spice latte..." and get your brain chewing on that prospect? Now you can't wait. 

Onnnly problem with these is I can't not get Jason Aldean's danged Dirt Road Anthem in my head when making them. Not because I like country, because I'm sorry... I do not. But Sean does - really does - and I've heard that song A THOUSAND TIMES. And apparently, Jason Aldean

likes cornbread and biiiscuits,

and if it's broke 'round here [he] fiiiiix it.

He also kinda looks like a d.b. in that music video, and he squints a lot, and I'm 110% sure he's wearing eyeliner. I'm sorry if I've offended any Aldeaniacs. 

Despite that unfortunate connection my brain tends to make, it cannot deter from the delish of the biscuit, so they are in rotation until Jordan chucks fig butter in my face. I'm going to make some right now, because Jason is already in my head so might as well not waste the occasion.