Monday, August 26, 2013

all quiet on the laboring front

I wish I had other news than that. I hadn't been feeling particularly antsy throughout this pregnant journey...until the last few days. I've employed quite a few of Ana's natural labor inducing tricks and am working up the courage to try the castor oil one. I think I just watched too many Shirley Temple flicks growing up and have a highly immature fear of the taste, as Shirley and all the other orphans forced to partake in this natural remedy do.

Friday morning found my sister Audrey and I observing Jordan in the throes of toddler indoor parkplay. We chased that premium rush with an aggressive mall jaunt, with hopes (on my part anyway) of getting some labor started. I had a gnarly contraction hit, in which I stopped to suck wind as Audrey's eyes bugged 10 centimeters instantaneously. She cautiously asked in hushed undertones "Jess, are you going to give birth in this Anthropologie?" For the splittingest of seconds, this sounded vastly appealing. There could be no more beautiful, soothing bedding options for the birthing process than those found in Anthro, and those exquisite pajama sets would be infinities better than a fugly hospital gown. But I feel like I could be blacklisted or something if I gave that a shot. And where would I go when I'm jonesing for imaginery home d├ęcor inspiration? Besides, it was a fluke contraction. Jordan and I proceeded to give Auds our 4 cents on some gawgeous skirts and dresses.

Sean, Jordan and I ambled down to the Starbucks around the corner from us on Saturday. Round trip it was probably 1 1/2 miles (#hardcore #wowdontoverdoitjess)...still to no avail. I really thought this trip would help too, considering the way back was all uphill. No dice. I even participated in Sean and Jordan's swim session - something I usually sit out since one of the prerequisites is swimming attire - and floated up and down the pool on my back with my belly a full 6 inches out of water. Jordan kept wondering if I was "seeping, mama?" which is actually a fairly genius idea, thanks girlfriend. I might sneak down there after hours and partake in my nightly not-rest in a state of complete weightlessness. Far more relaxing than a right-to-left flip-flop in 15 minute intervals, can I get an amen?

And then there was Sunday. My aunt gave Sean and I movie passes, and we took our opportunity for a last date before we're reconciled to hermitage for the next few weeks. We saw a matinee of

which rang true to all elements of a Pegg/Frost collab, and was really freaking funny. Sean and I laughed audibly throughout, which is pretty uncommon for us stodgies. (Awful language, some innuendo, no sex scenes, FYI. If you like Shaun of the Dead and/or Hot Fuzz - which I do - you're absolutely certain to like this one.)
Throughout our weekend peppered with light errands and lighter exercise, I received sporadic sock-to-the-gut contractions, and several very sweet texts from various friends and family members inquiring about progress and well-being. Gosh, I'm surrounded by the nicest people. Allll my concentration is on starting labor today, because I'm kinda running out of time. Oh, and because Sean told me yesterday that he was "very disappointed" in me for not having this baby yet, since he consequently had to go to work this morning. Well. There's that. After a "YOU'RE disappointed?! You're disappointed?!" or seven on my part, he assuaged the offense with a back and shoulder rub. Forgiven.
Unless this baby is planning a career in professional camping, I'd venture a guess this is my last post as a mother of one (one ex-utero, that is). Any spare prayer will be greatly appreciated, and let's all commence internal chant: VBAC, VBAC, VBAC. It's catchy.


  1. I know Jenny ( has had good luck with pedicure-induced labor... sounds a lot better than the castor oil! Plus, if it doesn't work, at least your feet will look good.

    1. You could also just give yourself a pedicure...I almost went into labor trying that the other day.

  2. Oh, Jess- I will pray for you!! I am so sorry it hasn't happened yet. I did try the above recommendation as a result of reading both of Jenny's birth stories, but to no avail. I even went and did acupuncture and nothing! Caster oil WAS the saving grace, but be forewarned, it DID suck. A whole lot. But then so does labor so.... I will pray for you!!

    p.s. I just had one friend have major success with squatting in the low squat (in that post I wrote) a lot to get things going... it made her water break. But again, it's all kind of hit or miss, more than anything- prayers!

  3. We're totally praying for you over here. And your son's future wife is making sure I wake up a LOT at night so I'll be offering those blessed moments up for you, too.

    We also saw The World's End last weekend, and I LOVED it. Simon Pegg just gets me.

    I have a friend who has successfully induced 3 labors with castor oil (and the third time it worked so well she didn't make it to the hospital...) Are there reasons not to try it? I mean, besides the taste and the necessity of staying near a toilet?

  4. I've been thinking about you but didn't want to send a creepy/annoying "baby yet??" email bc I would want to slap myself for that. My mom's friend swore by scrubbing the kitchen floor old school to induce labor...pretty much the last thing any pregnant mama wants to do ever.

  5. awwwww woman! soon i am sure. he can't stay there forever. 'come out and play little -----' you can read that to him. maybe i need to come over and flirt with him. i just dyed my hair so i probably don't look quite as expired as i usually do and can coax him out. haha.
    blake and i will have to check out the worlds end. i loved hot fuzz. hugs woman!

  6. I totally want to give birth in an Anthropologie. I don't think you'd get banned, I think you'd get a new wardrobe. Just think of all the free publicity they'd get out of it. And anthropologie smells soooooo much better than the hospital.