Tuesday, December 4, 2012

"Ny" is for "Nigh-Nigh"

This shall serve as your first installment of
Some Friendly Advice
Vol. I, Ed. I
Someone Who's Been There

So...last week. I was a tad bit under the weather, so to speak. I didn't really know what day it was (truly) or if I had eaten breakfast already or if bellbottoms were still in fashion. (That last bit still isn't clear to me - and isn't it called "wide-leg" now?) The tricky thing about the whole "sick" sitch was I was a little bit out of "sick" time at work. So when I called in on Wednesday it was an unpaid fiasco and I didn't think our extravagant lifestyle could withstand another blow by doing it again on Thursday. So I sucked it up and took those meds that we had so bravely braved Target to obtain.

Anyway, Sean hadn't been feeling well either, and on Wednesday night decided to take some of the intoxicating cherry-flavored cordial I had selected to heal my blazing larynx. He had just a little bit of a hypochondric episode when he couldn't find proper dosage instructions spelled out on the label, so he unraveled the whole of the label off of the bottle, hoping it'd be scribbled on the back somewhere? In the end he threw down a shot of the stuff. Like, in a shotglass.

Moseying up to my point now. The next morning I went to go partake of my restorative elixir before punching the clock - or in my case, feebly batting at the clock. But Sean had totally disrobed the bottle and it had escaped my foggy foggy mind that I had purchased NyQuil. With a Ny. There was no place for a placebo effect to take root and burrow through my brain tunnels because I had totally forgotten that that was even the stuff we had on tap. Therefore it's from a completely unbiased platform that I say to you:

Take NyQuil in the NyTime.
Don't take NyQuil in the Work Time, and more importantly, before the Drive Time.

I had begun to feel slightly delirious while on the freeway (not a good place for this particular feeling) and was all the way over in the slow lane...being tailgated by 18-wheelers. Apparently NyQuil makes 55 mph seem like a wholly impractical speed which should only be reached with caution and never surpassed. I was beginning to feel like Chris Farley in Black Sheep when he gets pulled over while driving completely stoned.

 "Do you have any idea how fast you were just going?"

"I guess I was going about sixty-five. Tops."

"Seven. Seven miles an hour."

My policy setups and endorsements from that day are a blur of tan and blue and yellow files. It might benefit me (and our insureds) to go back and proof some of that work to confirm I didn't say something like "Commodities hauled are amended to include construction items, paper products, rainbows, the eye of a newt, and Jiminy Cricket's umbrella."

I am telling this cautionary tale just in case it hadn't occurred to some of you to reserve your NyQuil indulgences for your evenings. The upshot is, if you take your proper dosage at the proper time, it makes for a night in which you deeeeeeply sleep all snug in your bed while visions of sugar plums dance in your head. Now how's that for Christmas cheer.

1 comment:

  1. OH my gosh, that's so scary! I took Nyquil ONCE in college, and I took it before I went to bed and no joke, literally couldn't get up the next morning. As in, I felt paralyzed and couldn't move the top 1/2 of my body. Scared the shit out of me, and I won't be partaking again.

    Oh, and it's flare, Jess. Jeez.